    35

    Abu-Lughod returned with some extremely revealing

    observations, including the manner in which Bedouin society outlaws

    close, warm relationships between men and women.  Romantic love is

    "immoral."  Wives are expected to act aloof and uncaring about their

    husbands.  A wife refers to the gentleman with whom she occasionally

    shares a bed simply as "that one"  or "the old man."  When a husband

    brings in a new bride, the previous spouse is supposed to show no

    jealousy, no emotion, no sense of hurt.

    Husbands and wives are not to be seen together in public.

    Kissing or hugging openly is considered disgusting, indecent, almost

    inhuman.  A couple who indulge in such a moment of warmth would

    be subject to contempt, fury, and hatred.  Men spend very little time

    with their wives and scarcely ever mention them.103

    In relationships between the sexes, a display of caring is

    despicable.  Anger is what wins you respect.  The new wife of Rashid,

    one of the young men in the village Lughod was observing, ran away.

    Rashid was distraught.  But among the Bedouin, a man is not allowed

    to reveal his emotional wounds--especially if they are inflicted by a

    woman.  Rashid's pained reaction was considered weak and scornful.

    Even his relatives scolded him.  Later Rashid began to rage.  Now

    everyone approved.  This was the manly thing to do!  Then the

    abandoned husband demonstrated a response that the other members

    of the tribe could be proud of.  He began to search for someone to

    blame.  Rashid interrogated women and children to see if one of them

    had annoyed the runaway wife so badly that she had been impelled to

    depart.  Finally, he concluded that the girl had fled because of sorcery.

    The one behind the evil deed: his senior wife.  The furious Rashid

    cursed his first wife and punished her by refusing to talk or visit with

    her.  With this act of retaliation, everyone was happy.104

    Author Leon Uris, who reviewed considerable anthropological

    research to compile his vision of Arab family life in The Haj105, believes

    that this same coldness extends to the way Arab village dwellers raise

    their kids.  Children, Uris claims, are seldom shown warmth.  But they

    are frequently punished.  And the punishments are harsh.  Hisham

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